Job Update #11: In Which I Get Emo Over a Difficult Decision

[pennswoods]

Yesterday I sent an e-mail to the university that offered me a tenure track job declining it. I'm so torn up in knots about this, not only because it's frightening to turn down a tenure track job but also because I know I let them down. From what I gather, neither of the other two candidates panned out, so they are going to have to do another search next year. Searches are unbelievably time-consuming and expensive. And I really liked this department and the people in it. If I were them, I'd be incredibly disappointed, maybe even devastated by my decision.

Just worrying about this kept me from doing anything at all yesterday. I moped for a good 12 hours, and I'm still not over it.

Of course, I had a very good reason for turning down the job. I got another offer through the school that offered a tenure-track position to my fiance. It's a visiting assistant professor position for just one year (not tenure-track), but it looks like they will be hiring again next year, and I will have the opportunity to apply for a tenure-track position as an "inside-candidate". Nothing is ever guaranteed of course, so next fall I'll be going on the job search again. As will my intended because if I don't get hired there, he's leaving too. And they are fully aware of this. In any case, it's a very promising situation, and my intended and I will get to be together, which means a lot for both our happiness and academic productivity.

However, I just can't stop feeling really awful for the school I turned down. It's going to take me a while to get over this.

Comments

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

You know, this is SO not something a job candidate should ever have to feel guilty about. It's business. (I think we're sort of brainwashed into feeling like it's a combination of getting engaged and taking religious vows, but that's another rant.) Departments turn candidates down all the time without a second thought, and then, sometimes, the shoe is on the other foot. Everybody who gets more than one job offer has to turn someone down, right?

You've got to do what's best for you as a person, and as easy as it is to lose sight of this during the process, we do have the right to be people.

Congratulations on the multiple offers, and good luck!

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

I really do want to hear your rant about getting engaged and religious vows. I can believe this.

And you're absolutely right - this is what happens in these sorts of negotiations. There was always that possibility. Which is why I'm really annoyed with myself for moping for so long - it's not a very productive approach to life.

And thank you.

[logospilgrim.livejournal.com]

*tender robed embrace*

You made the best and wisest decision you could, most beloved.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

*appreciative sigh*

Thank you.

[hp5freak.livejournal.com]

They really need to work on getting apparating for muggles, you know? Not that you are a muggle. But just think...if we had apparation down, you could go anywhere and be back with your honey every night...and have lunch together ...and ...

I'm sorry you had to make that decision, because I know you wanted to accept the offer. But as the others have stated...you had to do what's best for you. The fact that you got offered a position at the same place as your sweetie is an awesome opportunity...to quote Disney's Pocahontas--"Listen with your heart, you will understand"

*hugs*

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Thanks luv. Of course this is better, and I'm really happy I can stay with my sweetie. Good mental health and happiness is so important, and nothing makes me happier than him.

[msavi.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling, and I'm sorry. But like everyone else has said, you have to do what's best for you. Your decision could have a positive impact on the school you turned down as well, you never know. It may give a chance to someone who maybe really needs it to be close to their own sweetie. :)

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

You're so right, Becca. This is a lesson I often struggle with accepting. Sometimes things don't work out right away, but they work out BETTER in the end. Just looking back on the rejection letter I got from my first job interview, which devastated me at the time, I realize how lucky I was not to get the offer because now Francis and I have some thing even better than could have possibly been worked out there.

[nativemoon.livejournal.com]

Where every door closes, another one opens. I remember you being particularly gutted over a particular rejection - when ideally what you wanted was for you and your beloved to be in the same place. Your prayers have been answered so I wouldnt feel so guilty about turning this other role down. If the shoe were on the other foot they wouldnt loose sleep about turning you down. I myself would have done exactly as you did for one simple reason: there is no way I would get married only to have to live apart from my husband - not even for my career. And looked at from another perspective: you werent the exact fit for the people you turned down because of your circumstances. Now perhaps going forward there might be an opportunity there for someone else and their beloved. You may have taught them a valuable lesson they really needed to learn.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right about my prayers being answered by this.

[nativemoon.livejournal.com]

I wish you to the best of luck - Im not one to pray much but my wish for you was that the two of you would be together. Im just an old romantic...

And its great that they were so enthusiatic to have you - but I like to think that everything happens for a reason and that in your own way you are a catalyst for someone else's prayers to be answered...

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I've been on both ends of that and FWIW, they probably understand. They would've loved to have you, but there are so many folks out there with two-body problems to solve, and everyone knows it isn't easy. You have to make the decision that's best for you in the end.

*hugs*

[shark-girl.livejournal.com]

That's tough, but you have to do what's right for you, and if you explain it to them, I'm sure they'll understand. It is nice to have jobs to choose from though!