Professor of Sherlockology and Advanced Snape Studies

My FIL has been institutionalized in a psychiatric facility for the past several days. During that time, he continues to email my husband, my SIL and my MIL saying whatever he can to try and change his situation. He has nothing but time to harass them and he is putting the most pressure on my MIL, who is the weakest link. She is also the person with the least amount of initiative to do anything except stress out and complain to put pressure on her children. But she has no solutions of course. 

She also really has not responsibility to FIL since she left him in November. FIL is only reaching out to her now because he is desperate and hoping to wear her down. In February, shortly after FIL was set up in a new apartment in Sweden thanks to my SIL, he had expressed a desire to be divorced as soon as possible so he could stat dating in time for Valentine's Day. In other words, he is only reaching out to MIL to manipulate her, not because he cares about her. 

He is continuing to promise grand things. He has a friend who is going to spring him out of the place. This friend, however, is bedridden in another part of Sweden and needs full time care. He's not springing anyone out of anything. FIL has also tried to bribe MIL by telling her he was planning to have her fiber art displayed in Japan but can't do that in the hospital. Funny that in nearly 50 years of marriage, when he wasn't institutionalized, he never managed to have her fiber art displayed anywhere. 

FIL still thinks he is a great lawyer winning cases in Bangladesh and being thwarted by the inconvenience of being hospitalized. He does not accept that he is financially dependent upon his daughter/the state, in a great deal of debt, disabled, and not a high-powered legal mastermind about to win a huge court case in Bangladesh.

I don't know if he will wear MIL down. She is not a woman who ever takes initiative, so it is not likely. SIL will be seeing her in a week or so. We will be seeing her at the end of July. I expect she will beg and plead to have FIL taken out of the institution, but have no plan for support. 

My father in law is a deeply wounded, narcissistic, ill man who has caused a lot of havok and damage to those around him. It has been about a year since he had what we think is the first of at least two strokes, which kicked off the chain of events leading my husband, his sister and me (in support capacity) to relocate his parents separately to Sweden to get them on social assistance before they found themselves evicted from their home of nearly 40 years in Connecticut.

During this process, my mother in law (MIL) finally left my father in law (FIL) who had been, we learned only at the time, hitting her for several years. She fled her home in Connecticut to stay with my sister in law (SIL) in Canada for about six weeks until my husband and I could help her move and become reintegrated back into Sweden (both my in laws are originally from Sweden) to live on social assistance and get medical care. As a note, they had been living without insurance in the US for who knows how long and are now in their 70s.

My FIL, who continued to refuse to see a doctor (again no insurance and a great fear and mistrust of hospitals and doctors) seems to have had another stroke or mini-stroke shortly before Christmas that left him mainly bedridden. I should write about this in detail as it was a harrowing day. Through sheer stubbornness and strength of will, my SIL rented a wheelchair and hauled him to a small village in Sweden to also get him on social assistance and a place to live. She was successful in half of that because my FIL refused to do a lot of things and refused to accept his reality. This was in early January. By mid-January, an eviction notice had been posted to the house in Connecticut, 10 days later it had been completely emptied. Two weeks ago it was officially sold at auction for a lot of money. 

My FIL continues to not accept this and seems to have had a break from reality. Perhaps the break happened long ago and that is behind a lot of this mess - but it is transparent to everyone now. It's hard to describe in this email but through his mismangagment he has squandered and lost three properties in two countries (US and Sweden) including his half-sister's home. He has no money and who knows how much debt and still he refuses to sign documents to be on social assistance. 

My SIL has been paying his rent in a room in Sweden, but she is running out of money and patience. The landlady of the room has informed my FIL that the lease is up at the end of July so he needs to move out. But without signing documents to get on social assistance, he is not eligible for renting in his own name. He is legally in Sweden but about to be homeless. Sweden does not tolerate homelessness and the case workers also cannot get him to complete the documentation needed. As a result, it looks like he is going to be institutionalized and a conservator appointed to make decisions for him. Neither num SIL or husband want to or can take on this role because they do not reside in Sweden. This is how the Swedish welfare state works and we are THANKFUL for this because we could not take care of my in laws, especially not my FIL, and the sheer destruction he brings (he is also a hoarder so he tends to physically destroy property with hoarding trash so that houses get overrun with mice and stuff).

However, there now seems to be some real urgency coming from Sweden that they want to get him to a hospital. My husband is worried that going to the hospital will be the beginning of the end. My FIL is maybe sensing this as his emails to my husband have been growing increasingly sweet, sentimental and nostalgic. 

We are both going to be in Sweden for a few days to see his mother (she is mobile and active but things in Sweden do befuddle her and she needs technology support sometimes). However, this holiday to Sweden and Spain may turn into something different and I/we need to be prepared for that.