A Bit Not Good

[pennswoods]

My husband is out of town again for the week and I am on my own too much. I don't sleep as well when he travels but it is worse now due to anxiety about the world and future. I'm rewatching the Witcher because the monsters of that reality don't seem as scary as the monsters in this one. It is interesting that my escapism right now is taking me to fantasy realms instead of romance or mystery. This is probably related to my constant feeling of powerlessness and inability to recognize my own power. There are a lot of stories about average people coming into their power in these magical worlds and that is a counterpoint to what I see in this present realm.

I'm also on social media too much and that is bad. I have ingested other people's fears on top of my own and this is not making me feel more resolved or hopeful.  I need to limit my social media use. I think I will come up for a plan for that because I am just harming myself. I've done this before with my anxious attachment issues - I watch too closely and fixate on collecting as much information as possible to hopefully find that one glimmer of hope to prove to myself that my worst fear is not true. In reality there is no amount of information that will guarantee I won't be abandoned or that life will be safe or good. The incessant search for hope is doing me more harm than good.

My head feels heavy and my eyes ache from not enough sleep. I am going to make myself go for a run now. Hopefully that will clear my head. 

Comments

[mundungus42]

Hugs for the disordered sleep and worries about the wider world. I'm glad you've got some good escapism happening, because during an emergency we need to secure our own masks before we can help others.

I've found some really lovely Discord servers that are keeping me from doomscrolling on Bluesky, Facebook, and Instagram, which has been great.

Sending all the good thoughts that you can find the right balance of working the body and relaxing the brain to get some restorative rest.