Why Do You Ship What You Ship?

[pennswoods]

I posted the following question to my Tumblr a little while back in responses to some of the arguing over shipping and assumptions being made about why people ship. I'm often frustrated by the simplistic and reductive assumptions that emerge in this kind of wank and wonder where other people are coming from. I expect we all ship for a number of reasons. The prompt elicited a number of really interesting responses which can be read in the notes to the post, but I'd love to hear more. Behind the cut are my own.

Have you ever thought about why you ship what you ship? And I don’t mean just what you like about a particular pairing but also what purpose it serves in your life.

Is it due to something you are dealing with personally? Is it a way to blow off steam and have fun (and if so - why this ship and not others)? Does it feel safe for you for some reason? Is it more about community than about you? Does it reflect past experiences, regret, hopes and wishes or even examined/unexamined prejudices? Does it get at something you cannot get at in any other way?

I love the different and detailed responses this post is generating, and it makes me want to share my own response to the question. The more that discussions of shipping come up, the more I think about why I ship what I do, and the more I realize just how much my shipping is in direct response to what is going on in my real life. I started out shipping in the HP fandom and was open to reading just about everything but settled on several OTPs.

• Neville/Luna because it was cute and a little bit silly and had the best ship name (The Government Stole my Toad) and I was so new to fandom and fanfic and shipping and this seemed like a fun place to start. I feel I was in a more optimistic space in my life. This was when I was in my early 30s, relatively newly in love and still a doctoral student with so much potential ahead.


• Snape/Harry when I was overwhelmed with life and teetering into a depressed state and need the pain and angst to cry over something other than myself. I was drawn to the inherent tragedy in their lives and their relationship. In pre-Deathly Hallows fandom, I would actively seek out fic of this pairing (only) where one of them died.


• Snape/Hermione when I wanted hope or when I was struggling to function as an adult in an adult relationship. There was also some degree of wishful thinking for Snape too since he had paid the ultimate price for his mistakes in canon. But I could also relate to Hermione in many ways due to her desire to tackle the difficult and to push herself to grown and mature. So many post Deathly Hallows SS/HG fic dealt with the successful maturation of love and of a relationship and it gave me a kind of hope and guidance in the form of tales written by these wise fanfiction writers (some of whom I got to know rather well on LJ).

And then in 2011 I hit a rough patch, and I’m still not sure what went on. (Cut for personal reasons and description of suicidal ideation.)

I think it was a confluence of factors like work stress and the tenure process that eroded my self-esteem, deep loneliness (it had been years since I’d had friends I could open up to) and insecurity in my marriage. But I found myself crying every day as I rode the bus to and from work, battling thoughts in my head that constantly devolved into vicious self-loathing and a desire to obliterate myself. Every thought ended in my death and I used to fantasize about different ways I could choose not to avoid death. I wouldn’t seek it out, but if there was a bus coming and I was already in the road, why bother getting out the way. It would hurt a lot. But then it would stop and I wouldn’t have to be this waste of skin and blood and bullshit. This led to a vicious circle of further self-loathing because I knew this would just hurt people around me (especially my husband), but my reasoning was unreliable and I couldn’t see myself as anything but a waste of life.

I didn’t step in front of a bus, but in January 2012, a lonely man who didn’t really have friends jumped off the roof of St. Barts, leaving his roommate and best friend to witness to his ‘death’ and to suffer the repercussions alone.

And many of my HP friends, who had gradually been drifting away erupted into squee and pointed me to places where I could download the episodes to hear Molly’s observation that Sherlock looked sad when he thought John couldn’t see him and to experience the wealth of emotion that Benedict and Martin infused into their characters in that rooftop scene. And there was fic, so much fic trying to explore and heal John’s grief, trying to reunify them after this huge mistake and betrayal, trying to understand how these two difficult personalities could repair their relationship and grow together.

I fell in love with the hope and the relationship work that went in to so many Johnlock stories. I was at a stage of my life where fluff couldn’t really engage my mind and where I could no longer imagine myself in Hermione’s shoes, but I started to relate to a 30-something loner, who clearly wasn’t a hero, who was difficult to live with and who was often an asshole. And then my husband and I moved to Sweden (a country whose language I still don’t speak and where I still don’t have any friends outside work colleagues), which only amplified the tension in our marriage and led to even more communication breakdown and loneliness.

Johnlock fanfiction that dealt with similar themes (heart-breaking angst with a happy ending) became a source of consolation and hope but also distraction and escape that I used to steady myself to get through each day and to fight despair so I didn’t feel like I did in 2011.

This year is better than last year on the home front and I have found an English-speaking therapist who is working well with me. We have sometimes talked about fandom and fanfiction and through these conversations it’s become clearer to me that I ship Johnlock right now because it brings me joy and that it’s a positive and valuable thing to nurture that joy while dealing with the parts of my life that continue to challenge and overwhelm me.

Comments

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

This is really interesting, thank you for sharing this here. I'm glad to hear that your current shipping is pure joy for you and that you're feeling better and actively improving things for yourself.

It's funny how personal and deeply important shipping can be (although it doesn't have to be and probably isn't for many people.) and how those things can be a real anchor in life when everything else is going pear shaped.

I know it is for me and I credit my ship and the work I put into it for making it possible for me to make it through some really horrendous stuff. Thank goodness for it.

Congrats on finding a therapist who's working for you and here's to 2014 continuing to get better and better for you. :)

[frodosweetstuff.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, interesting! I read some of the responses to your Tumblr post but ack Tumblr makes it not easy to read them...

I would guess that shipping something because it brings you joy is probably something that everyone would agree on and the differences lie in what exactly is causing that joy?

I've had a look at who I ship and why and there's a clear pattern in my three OTPs: I always start out with admiring and loving a character who is
a) doing something idealistic/not for personal gain/for the good of others (often at great cost to himself)
b) who's a bit of a loner/standing out for being different and facing negative consequences for it and
c) not receiving much or any recognition for the good he is doing.

(And visually, it just so happens that this character always is on the pale side, is slender and has dark hair, ideally curls. Expressive eyes don't hurt either).

I fell for my first ever OTP because in his story fate had treated my favourite character very poorly (especially in the film version of his story) and I wanted a happy end for him - which came in the shape of the unconditional love of a strong, supportive partner who saw and appreciated all that my fav character did and had done and that was overlooked or not understood by everyone else around them.

The same is true for my other OTPs - my favourite character is rewarded for the (selfless) good that he does by finding love and happiness in a relationship. This is probably why I enjoy the matchmaking kind of fics the most - the fic that show us how these characters fall in love and become a couple and get their happy ending. Of course I read all kinds of fics about my OTPs but first-time or first-kiss fics are my favourite. :)

So, why do I ship a pairing? Because I fall in love with one of the characters and want a happy ending for him that I don't see in canon. This goes as far as me shipping a pairing where I never really liked the other half all that much - but he was just perfect for my favourite character and who was I to argue. - Oh, and another thing - my OTPs all have a very strong bond of friendship in their canons, I don't think it would work for me if they hadn't. I like that it just takes a little nudge to get my character from having a good friend to having a loving partner/boyfriend/husband.

As for the link to my life - I'm a fairly idealistic person and admire people who sacrifice a lot (their life, in fic) for the greater good - and I know that life doesn't always provide happy endings, but slash fic can (and not just of the sexy kind). Also, being in a stable relationship means that I don't get to fall in love and get together with someone over and over again - the way I can do via my favourite characters... :D

Thank you - this was most interesting! Looking forward to any other comments you might get here!

[logospilgrim.livejournal.com]

~and that it’s a positive and valuable thing to nurture that joy while dealing with the parts of my life that continue to challenge and overwhelm me~

Yes! ♥

*tender robed embrace*

Me, it's not so much the shipping that helps me to grow and deal with evolving life circumstances, but what a character means to me, on a mystical level. What Professor Snape means to me on that level has changed over the years, and it's evolved along with how I see and experience things, and he teaches me a lot, he helps me to adapt and live life to the fullest; and Robert Englund surfaced from "just beneath my radar" to the forefront, and he as a person along with all the roles he's played has been teaching me even more, often in unexpected ways :-)

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I fell for my first ever OTP because in his story fate had treated my favourite character very poorly (especially in the film version of his story) and I wanted a happy end for him - which came in the shape of the unconditional love of a strong, supportive partner who saw and appreciated all that my fav character did and had done and that was overlooked or not understood by everyone else around them.

This. It's simply the reason I ship. And the reason I'm so protective of the ship, and want to keep its integrity strong by encouraging writers and artist to contribute to it. I can get horribly gung-ho about it at times, but when you love something, you want to take care of it and see that it thrives.

[sandrine]

Here via emmagrant01. It's so interesting to read other people's reasons for shipping!

For me, about 95% of the time, I ship a pairing because I feel like they share a certain (often unresolved) chemistry in canon that I want to explore. I often don't mean to - I don't go into something (be it a show or a movie or a book or even a sport) looking for ships, it just happens. Two characters / people share a moment and my brain goes, "Oh" and that's it.

I don't even have to like the characters - there are quite a number of pairings that I ship passionately when I don't like either partner, but the chemistry is what gets me every time.

The other 5% it's a bit like frodosweetstuff said above: falling in love with a character and wanting a happy ending for them, in which case it doesn't necessarily have to be about canon chemistry because there are a couple of cases when I actually ship those pairings who barely / never shared any 'screen time', but that's really the exception.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh gosh. Everyone is being so thoughtful and has such meaningful motivations...

I honestly don't ship many pairings. And when I do ship, it's gotta be something I can in the actual text or on the screen. I have to notice the chemistry between the characters and feel like there's something going on there that isn't explicitly stated in their interactions but comes through in their behavior or body language. Actual, obvious, and prolonged eye-fucking on screen is pretty much a prerequisite for me to be on board with a ship. I can't intellectualize or mentally rationalize a ship--my emotions have gotta be on board and manipulated by the actors or (in very rare occasions) the author.

I would love to be able to ship pairings that didn't have such an obviously emotional component for me. One, I think it limits me in my interactions with some fandoms, and two, I have a tendency to run out of fics.

pennswoods, I'm so glad you've had fandom to help you through rough patches in your life, but I'm extra happy to hear you've found a therapist to work with you as well. I hope you find more and more ways to bring joy into your life!

Johnlock

[tarajw.livejournal.com]

I ship Johnlock because it gives me hope that there is excitement after 30s-40s. John just seems so DONE when he is finished with his career as a soldier. Little does he know that the happiest time of his life is just beginning. Or at least in the fic I choose to read. :) Great question.

[foxestacado.livejournal.com]

Oh, Shannon. *hugs* I didn't know about the depth of your feelings of loneliness and hopelessness in 2011. And what elation and awe I felt when I realized that was how you related to Sherlock.

I ship Sherlock with just about everyone because I love Sherlock and I want him to have companionship and friends (it's also why I refuse to believe that Janine is a bad person). But I ship Sherlock/John the most because...I've always shipped Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. From the Conan Doyle stories to all of the pastiches that came from other authors, their friendship, bromance, whatever-it-is is THE most compelling relationship that has endured so much.

For similar reasons, I ship Harry with just about everybody, because I also want him to have friends, have companionship, find happiness. And same with Snape. Probably more so with Snape. I guess, in HP, I really didn't have an OTP, but I did have ships I read more often, which was Harry/Snape, Harry/Hermione, and a lot of gen Harry and Snape friendship and Severitus stories.

There are also other fandoms and other ships. I treat Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne similarly: I just want them to be happy.

[venturous1.livejournal.com]

I fell headlong into fandom in 2006 when I became obsessed with the film V for Vendetta. I mean OBSESSED. Watched it every night. created a bulletin board with other fangirls to squee (we eventually made pilgammage to London). I went to therapy because V was following me around in my dreams, and sometimes appeared in the shadows while awake.

To my great surprise, my therapist encouraged me - to dance with the devil, to make art, ritual, read and write fanfic.

Meanwhile, I met HP fans online, and heard about Snapecast, which taught me about LJ.

V wasn't so much about shipping, but the character himself. There was no happy ending for him beyond his artful revenge. ("There's no tree for me.") V helped all the characters in the film wake up to the vile truth about their government. He helped me with my political pain. My country went to war against innocent people for no valid reason, and I deeply felt the karmic wrongness, in a way that gave me panic attacks.

V is my shadow, by dark warrior - ruthless and terrible and righteous. A dark angel. I am forever wrapped in his cloak. He has my back. He makes me brave.

But V fandom peaked and waned, and I longed for another black haired hero, and lo, there was this potions professor with the velvet voice. And Snapecast taught me everything I ever needed to know about Snape fandom and ships, and before long I was head over heals for Snarry.

This plunge into slash, teacher/student slash no less, shocked me, but it was irresistable, a powerful tide.

Those two needed each other, they completed each other. I loved everything I could slurp up, the angstyer the better (Although I had a near complete breakdown at the end of If You Are Prepared....)!

The end of canon outraged me - Snape's ignoble death, his contribution almost an aside, was an injustice that fandom had to repair, and oh, what a fine job we did, ladies. A very fine job indeed. Long Live Severus Snape.

Someone once asked me "who" I was in the Snape/Harry pairing. I was puzzled. I am both of them, of course. Naive, bewildered, talented but clueless and usually overwhelmed. I dont want what has been scripted for my life, I want to write my own.
I am also bitter, smouldering, afraid of social situations. I think myself ugly and unlovable, or at least unwantable. My desires are wrong and filthy and there is no place for me.

So when these two get together, they heal each other like no one else could possibly understand. They complete me, help me complete myself.

In my life they helped me through a dead zone in my career, challenged me to reprioritize my creative work and freedom above all. This has led to some dubious decisions, when viewed from outside, but in my inner world, I have few regrets.

I'll contemplate Holmes and Watson... they are both the new kids on the block and an old love come home (loved ACD as a kid, Brett Holmes in my 20s).

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

A big heaping, helping of yes to this.

[lijahlover.livejournal.com]

This is such a great question....

I fell into shipping in 2004 when I became obsessed with LOTR and all things Dom/Elijah. I like Elijah with others as well. Elijah is my favorite and I just want him to be happy.

Draco/Harry are gorgeous to look at and I love to read where they are very ic and have all this angst and passion then fall into bed together and live happily ever after(Or with lots of fighting and make up sex) I also love them to be fluffy and funny as well. For me I enjoy escaping into the world of HP it helps to cope with all the rl crap.

Johnlock OMG I adore them so much. tarajw said it well when she said it gives up hope that excitement and good things can happen later in life. I also feel it easy to believe they can have a sexual relationship that developed from their friendship and love for each other. In cannon that would not happen but thank god for fanfic writers.

Also when watching some show my brain just goes oh wow I love the idea of them as a couple and don't no why it happens with my certain pairings it just does. I love them together and it just makes perfect sense to me.

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

What a fabulous discussion!

I fell into shipping because my first fandom was a big freaking troll. It was X-Files, and the writers spun out the Mulder/Scully UST so much that it made the actual semi-consummation thereof feel like a serious letdown. Thankfully, the M/S fanfiction was much more satisfying.

Because the archives I frequented were romance-heavy, when I first started reading and writing, fanfiction and shipping were pretty much inextricable. Hell, in the early years of Harry Potter, you determined who your friends were based on whether they were Hermione/Harry, Hermione/Ron, or Hermione/Draco shippers (unless you were all about Harry/Ron or Harry/Draco, which had its vocal supporters, but again, in the early days, not as much as the het ships... how times have changed! :D). I didn't have a strong allegiance to any one HP ship (though Ron/Hermione always made me gag) until Snape rolled up his sleeve to show Cornelius Fudge his Dark Mark, which precipitated my long, ecstatic fall into Hermione/Snape.

At last! Not since Mulder/Scully had two characters presented such a fascinating combination of compatible traits and transgressive yumminess. I was hooked from the first fic I read, and it's been my HP OTP ever since. I read plenty of other ships in HP (Snarry, Snuna are favorites), and I've even discovered that I quite like gen.

I think my first slash OTP manifested shortly after the first Pirates of the Caribbean film came out, and I started shipping Jack Sparrow/James Norrington HARD. There were two actors that I adored chewing up the scenery with more fizzing chemistry than either of the romantic leads had. And then the rest of the movies happened. *sigh* I tried my hand at fix-it fic, but the movies keep happening.

Which brings me to Sherlock. I discovered the ACD fandom in about 2001, when I was first starting to dabble my toes in HP slash. I'd received Les Klinger's Annotated Sherlock Holmes for my birthday, and having recently re-read the whole canon, I wanted to see what was out there in terms of fanfic. Of course, Holmes/Watson was THE OTP, and there was so much sumptuously-written fic that I was too intimidated to write it, though I did manage an ACD crossover with Harry Potter. Then when Sherlock came out with perfectly cast leads and loads of ACD in-jokes, all bets were off. I like that there are more opportunities for shipping with Sherlock than in ACD, but Johnlock is what I most frequently seek out to read, and it's what I'm most drawn to write. But bless Mark Gatiss for giving us a Mycroft for the ages. And Rupert Graves for giving us a Lestrade to love.

And now? The Marvel Cinematic Universe is being a jerk who keeps casting painfully attractive people who bring unexpected depth and nuance to their characters, which is making me want to write fic in a way that a fandom hasn't since Sherlock. I'm holding out as long as I can.

So yeah, it seems as though I'm a sucker for smart characters with sharp tongues, especially if portrayed in media by talented actors, especially when they appear in well-realized, rich universes. And relationships involving normalizing a power imbalance. And pretty costumes.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

First, massive hugs to you, Shannon, for your bravery in opening up about something so very personal. I'm so, so glad you're still here, and that fandom has been such a source of comfort and inspiration for you!

Let's see... My OTPs over the years, let me show you them.

Star Wars: Obi-Wan/Siri Tachi: I loved the character of Siri so much. The Star Wars universe is severely lacking in female characters, but Siri was a strong, badass Jedi who was a contemporary of Obi-Wan's. I started shipping them early in my fannish experience, and I think I was really looking for strong female characters at that time. I'd just finished grad school and started a new job, and I was so full of hope for the future. I ran a mailing list and an archive for the character, and cheered like crazy when that pairing became canon... for like two minutes, and then she got killed. ARGH.

Harry Potter: Harry/Draco: I went into the HP fandom expecting to ship either Remus/Sirius or Harry/Hermione, but then I read a few H/D fics and WOW. That dynamic of two people who hate each other so much finally breaking through that wall and fallign for each other was something I found I really, really liked. H/D got me through six years of infertility hell, and for that I will always be grateful. And maybe that was part of it: I needed to immerse myself in something incredibly unlikely in order to deal with the despair I was experiencing in my real life.

BtVS: Buffy/Angel: I came late to the Buffy fandom, and fell head over heels for Buffy/Angel. It broke my heart and made me sob massive tears. I usually don't go for doomed pairings at all, but that one, man. I'm not sure why it hit me so hard, but it did.

Star Trek: Jim/Bones: I came out of the STXI film ready to ship me some Kirk/Spock. And then something happened. I have no idea now how it was that I stumbled on Jim/Bones first, but OH HOLY HELL. The snark! The Academy years! The drunken escapades in San Francisco before they became Starfleet officers! Oh, it was amazing. Sadly, there was not enough Bones in STID. Maybe the third movie will bring me back to this pairing.

Sherlock: John/Sherlock: I think I ended up shipping this by default, TBH. It seemed so obvious, and it seemed to be what everyone else was doing, so I went there too. That and there is just so much chemistry between them on the show, my God. I seem to be a bit unique in that I don't identify strongly with either character. I'm not sure I even like Sherlock all that much. But I do love the idea that these two people might find each other in their 30s/40s, and that it could be something that takes them both by surprise. That's really beautiful!

[avawatson]

I think this might merit a separate post I'd like to see one day (or start) here, but I'm one of those fans that identify with Sherlock. I love John; I do, but I identify with Sherlock. The performance of being Sherlock Holmes, the ambition of Sherlock Holmes, the insecurity and emotion and the uncontrolled bits and super-locked-down controlled bits, and the wanting of all of it, and the absolute not wanting of all of it. Sherlock is just...who I identify with.

John, I love, and Martin Freeman I love, but I almost love John through Sherlock's eyes. I love John through earlgreytea68's eyes. I love John through the fandom's eyes. But Sherlock, I never had to read meta or watch him be a BAMF in a fic or appreciate the actor in other roles. He's broken and I love him when he's pining, I love him when he's made whole, I love him when he finds that thing that makes him happy. I love that WHEN he's made whole, it isn't that he stops running or has a reason to stop running; he has someone to run WITH. And John, who doesn't know like Sherlock has known, that he's drawn to these things he shouldn't be drawn to, finds that too. And they can be happy in their way together. Running.

I really want Sherlock to be happy, but I sit with him in the pining and angst and pain too. And I ship johnlock because I can't see him loving anyone else. I can't see anyone else making him happy. I can't see anyone else having the power to hurt him or to make him jump off a building. John is it for Sherlock, and I feel that so much, I think about it and feel it every damn day.

[splix.livejournal.com]

Ack, that's gorgeous! Beautifully expressed. I'm just going to point upwards and agree with you, if I may. :)

[avawatson]

Splix just told me something I said was gorgeous and beautifully expressed; I may have this framed or something. If I may, HA. *flails into the sun kthxbai*

[splix.livejournal.com]

Oh my, you're so sweet! *covert smooch*

[zorb]

"I ship because it brings me joy" and "I want good things to happen to characters I like" sum it up quite well for me. I don't necessarily ship the same "types" in each fandom, and I don't even need to identify with one or more of the characters involved, although it's not uncommon because that often drives my liking of a character, outside of ships. My OTPs tend to be constant, with or without canon, and persistent over decades.

When I participated in the live ship debate back at Nimbus - 2003, we wanted to make one thing very clear: Whatever vessel you sail, shipping is and always should be a fun ride.

[magnetic-pole.livejournal.com]

I've enjoyed reading the comments here so much, P. I think being involved in fandom confirms something we intuitively sense about culture more generally (i.e., it's never just entertainment), and the discursive aspect of fic writing/commenting/discussion, ship fic particularly, makes that very clear.

For whatever reason, I've never had as much interest in getting together stories as fandom seems to have--I don't seem to feel the same joy in the depiction of intimacy or togetherness--but I love the puzzle presented by a good pairing or a well-drawn character and the satisfaction of a story that somehow hits on an emotional truth. How do these two people manage to fit together? What do they bring out in each other? And for individual characters, how did they come to be the person they are today, and how do they live with their own contradictions? I often find it hard to get along with others and hard to be forgiving to myself, and I'm sure there's an element of therapy here somewhere--me watching two very different characters find common ground (say, Sherlock and John, a pairing that has become much more attractive to me now that there's more to work through, to be honest), or figuring out how to embrace and warm up to a particularly difficult character (say, Petunia Dursley in HP).

I always love the joy that radiates from your fannish postings, P. I'm sorry to hear about how difficult things have been, about the things that fannish joy balances out, but I admire the fact that you're open and passionate enough to feel so much. M.

[boxofdelights]

If he were slender, Benton Fraser would be right in your sweet spot. Have you seen any Due South?

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

I read what you went through and can really understand how much of a refuge or source of relief or joy or whatever that a ship can be.

The therapist has been a help as a stepping stone to getting me to actually communicate with my husband. That's been huge. But Johnlock has also been a comfort.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Oh so interesting. I need to examine whether the same might not also be true for me (find one character in an OTP that I admire and love). I know I have been unable to really ship certain characters because I find them unrelatable, but what I tend to relate to is the messy stuff. But I have never been drawn to an all-out villain, so there is no doubt a degree of admiration for the character(s) that I need to have.

I also wonder if I also have a physical type as well. I know I am more drawn to Sherlock physically and I really like reading fic where his slenderness and hair are explicitly emphasized.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

I love this enthusiasm and love.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Are you friends with Clevermanka? She loves Due South and adores that fandom.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Thank you professor. I always love your tender robed embrace, and that's another part of why I ship (whatever I ship) or become enamored of a character. I love meeting the people who are drawn to similar things. It's been a wonderful way of making friends.

Snape is really special and I've appreciated seeing how your experience with him has changed as reflected in what you write about and your photos and your tattoos. He really is a gift of a character.