pennswoods | Getting Better at Saying No

I still struggle a lot with this at times, but I am getting better. There have been several administrative situation where someone has asked something - sometimes it is reasonable and sometimes it is ridiculous - and I have been able to say no without getting mad or frustrated. I am used to feeling overwhelmed by requests for my time and attention and the fear that people will not accept my no and try to negotiate. But I have said no several times now and each time feels better than the last.

There is a thing about academia where we are constantly socialized into bending over backwards, giving others the benefit of the doubt, meeting others where they are at, lifting others up, mentoring the younger and new, giving of ourselves and giving back to the community or we are not being a good citizen and not doing our jobs. While there is place for this - it does lead to a culture of expectation that you must not say no to others. This attitude has been paralyzing. This attitude leads to a lot of extra work and often means that other parts of your job that you are supposed to do (like publish your own research) or other parts of your life that you are supposed to look after (getting enough sleep, eating well, looking at things other than a computer screen) get pushed aside to fulfill someone else's needs or to fill in for someone else who is not doing their job.

Being able to say no is a wonderful thing and I am going to do it more.