I fell headlong into fandom in 2006 when I became obsessed with the film V for Vendetta. I mean OBSESSED. Watched it every night. created a bulletin board with other fangirls to squee (we eventually made pilgammage to London). I went to therapy because V was following me around in my dreams, and sometimes appeared in the shadows while awake.
To my great surprise, my therapist encouraged me - to dance with the devil, to make art, ritual, read and write fanfic.
Meanwhile, I met HP fans online, and heard about Snapecast, which taught me about LJ.
V wasn't so much about shipping, but the character himself. There was no happy ending for him beyond his artful revenge. ("There's no tree for me.") V helped all the characters in the film wake up to the vile truth about their government. He helped me with my political pain. My country went to war against innocent people for no valid reason, and I deeply felt the karmic wrongness, in a way that gave me panic attacks.
V is my shadow, by dark warrior - ruthless and terrible and righteous. A dark angel. I am forever wrapped in his cloak. He has my back. He makes me brave.
But V fandom peaked and waned, and I longed for another black haired hero, and lo, there was this potions professor with the velvet voice. And Snapecast taught me everything I ever needed to know about Snape fandom and ships, and before long I was head over heals for Snarry.
This plunge into slash, teacher/student slash no less, shocked me, but it was irresistable, a powerful tide.
Those two needed each other, they completed each other. I loved everything I could slurp up, the angstyer the better (Although I had a near complete breakdown at the end of If You Are Prepared....)!
The end of canon outraged me - Snape's ignoble death, his contribution almost an aside, was an injustice that fandom had to repair, and oh, what a fine job we did, ladies. A very fine job indeed. Long Live Severus Snape.
Someone once asked me "who" I was in the Snape/Harry pairing. I was puzzled. I am both of them, of course. Naive, bewildered, talented but clueless and usually overwhelmed. I dont want what has been scripted for my life, I want to write my own. I am also bitter, smouldering, afraid of social situations. I think myself ugly and unlovable, or at least unwantable. My desires are wrong and filthy and there is no place for me.
So when these two get together, they heal each other like no one else could possibly understand. They complete me, help me complete myself.
In my life they helped me through a dead zone in my career, challenged me to reprioritize my creative work and freedom above all. This has led to some dubious decisions, when viewed from outside, but in my inner world, I have few regrets.
I'll contemplate Holmes and Watson... they are both the new kids on the block and an old love come home (loved ACD as a kid, Brett Holmes in my 20s).
no subject
To my great surprise, my therapist encouraged me - to dance with the devil, to make art, ritual, read and write fanfic.
Meanwhile, I met HP fans online, and heard about Snapecast, which taught me about LJ.
V wasn't so much about shipping, but the character himself. There was no happy ending for him beyond his artful revenge. ("There's no tree for me.") V helped all the characters in the film wake up to the vile truth about their government. He helped me with my political pain. My country went to war against innocent people for no valid reason, and I deeply felt the karmic wrongness, in a way that gave me panic attacks.
V is my shadow, by dark warrior - ruthless and terrible and righteous. A dark angel. I am forever wrapped in his cloak. He has my back. He makes me brave.
But V fandom peaked and waned, and I longed for another black haired hero, and lo, there was this potions professor with the velvet voice. And Snapecast taught me everything I ever needed to know about Snape fandom and ships, and before long I was head over heals for Snarry.
This plunge into slash, teacher/student slash no less, shocked me, but it was irresistable, a powerful tide.
Those two needed each other, they completed each other. I loved everything I could slurp up, the angstyer the better (Although I had a near complete breakdown at the end of If You Are Prepared....)!
The end of canon outraged me - Snape's ignoble death, his contribution almost an aside, was an injustice that fandom had to repair, and oh, what a fine job we did, ladies. A very fine job indeed. Long Live Severus Snape.
Someone once asked me "who" I was in the Snape/Harry pairing. I was puzzled. I am both of them, of course. Naive, bewildered, talented but clueless and usually overwhelmed. I dont want what has been scripted for my life, I want to write my own.
I am also bitter, smouldering, afraid of social situations. I think myself ugly and unlovable, or at least unwantable. My desires are wrong and filthy and there is no place for me.
So when these two get together, they heal each other like no one else could possibly understand. They complete me, help me complete myself.
In my life they helped me through a dead zone in my career, challenged me to reprioritize my creative work and freedom above all. This has led to some dubious decisions, when viewed from outside, but in my inner world, I have few regrets.
I'll contemplate Holmes and Watson... they are both the new kids on the block and an old love come home (loved ACD as a kid, Brett Holmes in my 20s).